looking for God

diaries - nin

– October 1933

I do not think I am looking for a man, but for a God. I am beginning to feel a void which must be the absence of God. I have called for a father, a guide, a leader, a protector, a friend, a lover, but I still miss something: it must be God.

. . . Perhaps I have loved the artist because creation is the nearest we come to divinity.

– August, 1933

My father organizes life, interprets it, controls it. His passion for criticism and perfection paralyzed me. Henry’s absence of criticalness liberated me. But when it goes too far, it becomes a disintegrating force, and one cannot build with it.

 – The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Volume One, 1931-1934, edited and with an introduction by Gunther Stuhlmann

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